LIVING OUT LOUD – What does that even mean? Does that mean I need to shout from the rooftop for societal approval of the expectations of happiness or is there an unspoken expectation to divulge my secrets and history so others feel I’m relatable with a genuine experience that can be used for comparison to their own lives. The truth is that we are all on a different journey. Like most people, I have had many experiences in my life that have helped to shape me into the person that I am today, good or bad.
My journey began being born into a family asphyxiated by physical abuse but blessed with showering love from a mother who helped me understand that one was better than the other. Despite this love for her only child for 15 years, there was no altering the inevitability in the formation of my character, a shy insecure young teenager who would align into yet another abusive relationship. Life goes on, it was all about raising a child at 17 and letting go of the dreams to share the hidden blessing of a vocal talent. What else could I do? I was resigned to the fact to live in a sheltered world with rare moments that exposed glimpses of the person I felt I was meant to be. Truth be told, shyness and insecurities eventually melted away but resurface on occasion even all these years later. Education and knowledge eventually replaced feelings of insecurity planted from youth and a doomed relationship and after a semi successful ATTEMPT at pursuing music, the realization that starting over was unavoidable.
With a teenage daughter and a pre-teen young boy, there were so many decisions and choices to be made. Would I make the right ones? Yes and no. Regardless of the plan that I had in mind, it was never MY plan to begin with. It’s HIS. With a tumultuous breakup and a necessity for responsible parenting, I determinedly and with pride accomplished many goals, but they would only fulfill me temporarily. Not long after I took on the role of wife AND stepparent. I know what you’re thinking, WHY? I thought that too, but I was needed. It has been 11 years so far with plenty of rewards and challenges. In these past years, I have lost my grandmother, found a new church community, made a career change as an educator with an M. Ed, and became a grandmother of 4 (proud, but unexpected). That wasn’t enough though……….
Did I mention I’m a fixer? Yes, I make old things new and I continually look for ways to better myself. But, I also try to fix others……yup, not always a good thing. But, in the middle of my new pursuits, I found a new passion, Zumba. It made me happy, healthy, and purged me of the stress from all the other new “jobs” I continue to take on. Enter 2014, adversity hit again and nearly robbed my mother of her life. Painfully and slowly, she made it through her journey, but it affected me profoundly. It was her journey that moved me to action and open up my studio. After giving up on the idea that my voice could change the world, I would not waste another day waiting to use my new found passion to change the lives of others. Although it’s not thousands or millions at a time as I had once dreamed; it’s an impact, that’s what matters.
So, am I living out loud? I’d like to say I am. I am living and using every part of my journey the way that I feel HE might expect. It’s not always easy and it seems that the challenges often outweigh the rewards. But, I will continue to LIVE OUT LOUD and do everything He wills me to do so that I can BE happiness and love in order to SPREAD happiness and love.
Please visit my blog if you would like to read details about my journey as well as my encounters with others and their journeys. I will LIVE OUT LOUD so that perhaps your journey might be affected as a result.
Live your best life and LIVE OUT LOUD. Achieve the mind, body, and spirit you deserve because in the end, that’s all we have.